You smell like a Billy Joel song
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
