I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
