We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
