first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
