So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
