She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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