I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
