Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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