They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
