it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
