I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
