Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
