New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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