Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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