im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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