the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
