I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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