where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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