She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
