Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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