I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
