She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
