HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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