i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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