dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
