Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
