hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
