he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
