i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
