So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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