I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
