I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
