it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
