I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
