My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
