She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
