Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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