pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
