"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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