I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
