I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
