We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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