What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
