so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
