He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
