there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
