he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
