I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
