hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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