If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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