It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
