I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
