well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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