Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
