I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
